Showing posts from May, 2011

Chronic fatigue - letting go of outcomes

I may have written about this before but it keeps coming up in my daily life as I try to get things done. Invariably, 'trying' when you're ill quickly leads to a situation where you know you're doing something that isn't helping you but you do it anyway because 'you have to'. On the flip side, if I don't think about what I'm doing and just do things then I do get things done but without the sense of struggle.

So then, what's going on here? Well, quite a lot, and it all seems to center around the interaction between the body and the mind. When I want to get something done this creates a goal in my mind (an outcome), a mental objective that is posed and held in the multi-layered areas of my thinking. I have thoughts like: 'I need to get this done then it's out of the way', 'I need to do this, this and this', 'it will be great when I get this done', and, like it or not, my mind can't stop thinking about it (even when …

Positivity - an introduction

So then, here's a big topic. As part of being ill, I was instructed to stay positive and look on the bright side. This seemed quite difficult given the list of challenges I was facing but I'm not one for giving up before trying it out first. So I tried being positive and noticing positive things that happened in my life but it all seemed a bit fake and I struggled with it for a while - yes, the sun is shining but what about the wreckage of my life.

Then, after hanging round some positive people, I realised that 'me' trying to be positive wasn't going to achieve anything; something more was needed. I realised that it was my point of view that needed to change. I needed to experience postive feelings fully and live life through those positive feelings, as opposed to simply willing myself to think positive.

Being positive isn't pretending everything is all right when it isn't. It's not even going there in the first place. Not an easy feat, but the alternativ…

I kneel before my anger

It is what it is, marbled into me. I tried to bury it but there you go. It sits there, mainly directed at myself.

Disappointment, a bow

A bow to my disappointment

It teaches me well my own limitations

Ultimately, it doesn't matter

We try to hold on to our choices but it doesn't matter. Do one thing or another, see what happens. We flow like water to where we are supposed to be.

Is that true? Always ask yourself that question.

Did anything important ever happen?

Heartfulness as opposed to mindfulness

I know when people see the word 'heart' the hackles go up and we assume something lightweight is going on, but in this case I am refering to the spatial location of awareness rather than a love heart situation. It's also interesting to note that in Buddhist circles heart and mind are interchangeable words, which seems incongruous but it does point to something. Anyway, disclaimer over.

Mindfulness implies some form of mental activity which inturn implies that we are actively doing something. This leads to the situation where we actively watching ourselves not doing anything which is kind of paradoxical. Heartfulness is mindfulness but our attention comes from the heart area. This leads more naturally to relaxed, attentive, awareness as we sit with our body watching the stream of events arise and pass away. There is less opportunity for striving and analysing as we are not using that part of our mind to be with experience.

So sit in the heart and see what happens. Make your h…

Having belief in feeling good

Life's a bummer but there's a part of us that knows that it's all a bit of nonsense, albeit rather painful at times. Knowing that there is a possibility of viewing life differently opens a chink of light in the darkness, and this is what allows us to believe that we can find happiness or contentment just as we are. As we search around for tools to show us the way we need a guiding star to illuminate the path, a core belief. Here's what I came up with:

There is always a place in the mind and body where contentment can be found whatever else might be going on.


Most of the time we are dealing with issues that agitate us away from the natural state of contentment.

Do I believe this all the time? Is it possible? Is it true? Who knows? The proof of the pudding is in the tasting.