Chronic fatigue - the going backwards state of mind

Chronic fatigue is an up and down illness, probably because something is wrong with the body - like a broken car, we can drive it around if we are careful but then at some point smoke starts pouring out of the bonnet and we know it's time to stop. One of the psychological difficulties I find hard is when it all starts going backwards after a sustained spell of seeming progress. When this combines with some other difficulty in your life, it can feel quite challenging to maintain a compassionate perspective on things. All the demons come out; all the regrets, the guilt, the remorse, the 'what could have beens', like an endless litany of demoralising home truths - this is what I call the going backwards state of mind. Couple this with feeling like poo and it's a fairly challenging set of conditions.

I find I have two options - I can face the gruelathon until the storm blows out - going backwards feels like this, but it's nothing personal. Or, I can hope I have enough energy to divert my thoughts to something more constructive (like a pacing schedule), and wait for the storm to pass over.  Importantly, I already know that the storm will pass over and I have survived it many times before - there's a natural turning towards what is deeply true about this situation. Somewhere I am OK, this is how it is at the moment, and it's not like this all the time.

You might also like to read something else I wrote: chronic fatigue and the cycle of doom. Sometimes we have strength to see through the downer, sometimes it is a little harder.


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