Going a bit deeper

Not wishing to leave you with half a story, this follows on from my other post 'go deep' - I felt myself shying away from continuing, but, you never know. Hang on to your hats, as it becomes a more of a story as we delve into the mind - the language and words become a little more fantastic.

So then, we have let go of our regular concerns and we are gathered in our body and mind, just a creature resting within ourselves, quiet and still. This allows the background workings of the mind to become available to our awareness. We may notice sprinklings of light, a flux of sensations, sparkles coming and going. We may recognise light in the mind and see it like a flock of starlings whooshing in sweeping waves in response to the bodily sensations of breathing. We may experience a flush of pleasure in the body and see it tingle through the mind's eye. We feel an invitation to go deeper and the mind seemingly becomes brighter - we may feel like we are sitting under floodlights. Perhaps our body disappears, and we feel vast, open and spacious. We feel refined, delicate. Thinking feels like concrete in the mind. We may notice a profound stillness deep within, like a dense, personal black hole so we let go into that. Perhaps our mind unwraps into a crazily fast panoply of lights coming and going - we have no thoughts, just presence. We feel light and flowing. We might recognise that to conceptualise these moments is to destroy them so we just relax with them. Then we may get a glimpse of something beyond these phenomena, a kind of awareness of the fabric of reality that underlies the existence of our minds, an immutable sense of 'what is underneath us'. And perhaps, if we let go into this, we have finally unravelled the centre of our onion-like minds. Or perhaps, we feel our minds move again and all that was within our grasp flutters away, ephemeral and tantalising, shy and beautiful. Leaving us contemplating for another day.

Then a deeper change begins once the meditation has finished. A coolness sets into our natural sense of ourselves; an abiding calmness. We realise that these transient experiences come and go, and that all things come and go. We see everyday life from a cooler perspective, we become less bothered by things. There is something better happening. Then, as if from nowhere, we are drawn into old habits and the coolness departs. The world demands something from us and we answer to it, dutifully. It goes like this. An oscillation, a massaging of reality. A battle between responsibility and freedom. We hang in the balance.


Pali said…
Thank you. Always great to read your postings. What perceives all the sensations we feel?
lightmanmumu said…
Thanks dude. Good question. People say that, once you get down to it, nothing perceives sensations - it's all a magic trick. However that's not very helpful. This is an interesting exploration: establish that there is stuff happening in the mind and that there is a knower that knows stuff is happening - they appear separate and distinct. The knower is the one that feels like it's been there all our lives watching what we do. Then, notice that the knower comes and goes, and that it is in fact stitching together a version of events that is not even necessarily true. This helps us see through the mystery a little bit, like finding out who father christmas is. However, there is still awareness going on - the lights of consciousness. This is where it all goes a bit voodoo (if it hasn't done already) - you can merge awareness with the object and the knower so there is just one mind moment that is indefinably your entire mind experiencing stuff, but you are not there.

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